I always loved the Brownie camera in my parents’ bedroom closet. As a young child I would sneak in, to open the back of it and secretly smell the interior. Later I dumped my own camera in order to be liked and accepted by a narcissist painter teacher. Groomed by a narcissist to have my preferences undervalued. A healthy teacher would have encouraged my love of photo and tech. So, thoroughly indoctrinated to be dependently liked and accepted I studied painting for 6 years then taught art at University for 10 more.
Yesterday I gave away my paints and brushes, to focus on my cameras and computer art making tools. I feel a huge relief from the guilt of not painting that was injected into me by a groomer so many years ago. Now, I can do anything I want, for I am and always have been an artist.