VD — Day

I’m going through some changes, I’m in transition. The changes are intentional, self-care self-initiated, and I’m feeling vulnerable. That’s another word for scared, commonly called anxiety. It’s one of the unhealthy negative emotions listed on psychotherapy self help sites.

I didn’t realize I was feeling vulnerable until I saw a social media post talking about an ad on the superbowl for some religious group that was a targeted propaganda directed at anxious people. I watched the ad and found myself feeling connected and loved by a dream fantasy Jesus guy in the sky. These guys really know how to manipulate scared people.

I mean typically I feel anxiety when I call myself a loser in some sense combined with the notion that I can’t handle life. If I look at both these concepts I find that there is no evidence for them and my anxiety tones way down to mild concern combined with the notion that I highly prefer to have all the answers but I don’t have to, I’ll figure it out. Or not, in which case I’ll enlist expert advice or failing that, put up with it or ignore it like a nasty narcissist. She’s dead to me — Tony Soprano talking about his mother.

The religious ad is very expensive propaganda designed to tell me that they will figure it out for me because I’m a loser and can’t do it on my own and I require them offering instant relief of the anxiety they caused, a handy little addiction cycle, similar to the one smokers and emotional eaters suffer from. I know I’ve been both. When you tell yourself that in fact you can stand the frustration of not getting your own way, and you can learn to live with discomfort, because you are an adult and can do short term pain for long term gain, then ignore it and focus on choices for satisfactions, you feel better. Eventually. Which is healthier than 100 pounds of chocolate. Or giving my will and my life (and cash) to my ‘higher power’ (because I’m a lower lesser power) as they say in the 12 step cults.

A cult is an organization that calls you a loser and takes your cash. This is how they do it, with abuse addiction cycles like any common sordid and squalid wife beater.

Happy Valentines Day to all the single people that don’t need love from others and choose self care instead. Children need love (care), adults give love (care) to children. Adults are self loving (caring) and enjoy communication companionship and sex on occasion and like any occasional indulgence it doesn’t make for a 24/7 healthy use of our time but its nice, even essential, for mental health when it happens, and we don’t need it all the time like food, air or water.

I even like going to church on occasion. They hired the best composers in music history and singing in groups stimulates oxytocin the empathy hormone similar to going to the gym and nipple manipulation. I imagine folks at the gym singing Hallelujah in unison manipulating their nipples while doing squats with their orgasm faces on. This pleases me.

I made this handy video to illustrate :)