Shame
I was looking at some of the net’s selections of sex worker offerings this morning and feeling ashamed about it. Something from Albert Ellis’s paper on religion began nagging the back of my mind. So I re-read the paper that deprogrammed me from cults including religion.
The first thing I came to that applied was, “Self-interest. The emotionally healthy individual should primarily be true to himself and not masochistically sacrifice himself for others. His kindness and consideration for others should be derived from the idea that he himself wants to enjoy freedom from unnecessary pain and restriction, and that he is only likely to do so by helping create a world in which the rights of others, as well as his own, are not needlessly curtailed.”
So, without getting into the dark side of the sex industry, generally speaking, I have a right to enjoy orgasm through fantasy ( no one realistically expects a plumber to show up instantly 🪠) and the sex workers have a right to make their daily bread doing any kind of work they choose.
So what is shame? “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour.” Ahh.
So is it wrong or foolish to masturbate? I read a sex therapist, the reference escapes me, who stated that all sex is masturbation, we sometimes do it with a friend, socialising the experience.
One of the self helping behaviours I have learned is to talk to strangers and ask for what I want. This behavior was the moon to me unless I was medicated to relieve my anxiety, pot was my drug of choice. Why? I am a victim of child abuse.
I grew up in a single parent home where sex was considered dirty. Masturbation was considered a sin. Having friends was frowned upon. All done covertly, covert narcissists being what they are in their abuse of children.
I continue to work on unconditional acceptance of self, of others and of the universe. Instead of drugs to relieve anxiety I use REBT. The search for certainty is the search for anxiety — Dr. Micheal Edelstein. REBT utilizes shame attacking exercises that I have found very helpful. One example is being in a crowded elevator and calling out the floors,”4th floor ladies lingerie!” The earth continues to spin.
Or, one could make a vid: