Sex With A Narcissist
The illustration illustrates,to me, that when you are as horny as a frustrated goat you will do anything to gain satisfaction, a classic narcissist manipulation.
I’ve had encounters with several female narcs. I won’t describe them as sexual because like any form of rape, sex isn’t the point. The point is power and control.
The most common form of control I’ve been subjected to, is love bombing seduction then withholding orgasm, my orgasm that is, once we are naked and making out. Glenda announced on our first time naked together that her last boyfriend recently, as in still contagious, gave her a STD which is why she was single and in bed with moi. I wasn’t wearing a condom and my penis was inches away from entering her. She didn’t offer an alternative form of achieving orgasm, as she had no empathy I suppose, which is why her last boyfriend was fooling around I imagine. She simply got off on control. Narcs are anxious. Anxiety comes from self downing but even when that is cured all you have left is an unanxious narc.
Of course, everyone has the right to change their minds and no means no at any time. Since I’m not a mind reader and these are very good con artists, liars essentially, I was left feeling overly frustrated, like I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for my love, my connection, and was stood up. Like coming home from the fair grounds with no money left and a bottle of snake oil to show for it.
There is something deeply wounding about being naked when their attacks happen, a layer of vulnerability that has been violated. Part of the programming of you to the cult of them. Brenda‘s fav form of penetration was anal as it turned out, after we had been intimate for a while. It was beginning to become apparent that her empathy was fake and her drinking problem was real. She sprung this on me over dinner one night. She was, as they say on the dating sites, open minded. I’m open to experimentation as an fun extension of trust and intimacy and I have no children or disease as the condom is my friend. So back to the sack we went and at the point of penetration she said, ” I don’t know what I’m doing with you, all you own is a truck and a computer. “ I silently got up got dressed never to return. She smeared me in our music community to save face, she was the victim of my heartlessness. I was labeled as a player.
Basically sex with a narc is being promised deep intimate connection and like Lucy with the football it is pulled away just as you are about to connect with it. Usually based on conditions.
Diana, for example, wanted me to remove my condom during sex one night. She wanted a baby, where she would work and I would stay home and care for the child and cook, since I made my living on my home-studio computer. She had it all worked out. She was an engineer and liked to control things. There was no discussion. When I said, “I barely know you”, she stopped taking my calls.
Another Brenda from the dating site after weeks of seduction and love bombing, but no sex, in order to get the fish firmly on the hook, announced that she had herpes and that it would be best for our (meaning her) convenience if I became infected too. She envisioned a happy life of treating outbreaks together. An incurable virus as a wedding bond. Instead of the usual pregnancy. “What will you name your child, they asked. ‘Herpes I replied.”
The music I chose for this piece represents to me, bittersweet love, a compare and contrast to the the high cortisol, stroke, heart attack, and cancer inducing relationship with a creature.
