Notes to My Future Self

20 Oct 2024 Dealing with Debt

Madame/Sir;

I am writing about my account which is in arrears or soon to be. I have experienced being the victim of an assault resulting in a devastating medical event (Calgary Police File Number CA24226584) the ongoing costs of which have made it impossible to continue to service my account. Documentation can be seen by following this link :VAP — Award Decision Group A B C D-123736-VAP.pdf

Thank You

Jerald W Blackstock

Good Morning Future Jerald

It’s been 4 days since I’ve climbed out of a wheelchair and walked out of a hospital after 5 months of therapy and rehab. I expected life at home to be easier, sort of, the big rock candy mountain kind of affair. I didn’t expect constant walking to be this hard. Standing and cooking is also difficult, I rest often. Rationally I know I’m building strength and endurance, and I know the flu vaccine has knocked my socks off as well. This will pass.

I am enjoying the quiet after the constant television and conversation of the hospital.

This is the second time I’ve accomplished this transition after a devastating life changing physical trauma.

I use REBT tools:

What is the situation that you are upset about?
Answer: It’s been 4 days since I’ve climbed out of a wheelchair and walked out of a hospital after 5 months. For the second time in my life.

What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?
Answer: Anxiety shame embarrassment hurt guilt depression

What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?
Answer: procrastination around my career as an artist making showing work, I’m not good enough now comes to mind despite no evidence. To the contrary, the only evidence I need is that I find it satisfying.

What demand are you making about the situation?
Answer: I must do well and win the approval of others or else I am no good. Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience.
Dispute: Is there any evidence that recovering from an unprovoked attack is not ‘doing well’ Is there any evidence that life must be convenient without discomfort or easy?
Rational Belief: There is no evidence at all. The evidence is I worked really hard to get better and I continue to do so. There is no evidence that life is ever easy or convenient or comfortable, those are childish notions. accept accept accept

What are your new healthy negative emotions?
Answer: sadness and disappointment concern

What are your new self-helping behaviors?
Answer: doing my rehab exercises caring for my body with my healthy diet then ignoring the situation as best I can focusing instead on my career activities for satisfaction.