More Sex With A Narcissist
I was thinking yesterday about Barbara the fiddle player. I met her when I was recovering from a long term relationship with Edi Whittaker, who was a type of covert narcissist and was very good at feigning empathy, love and sexual desire in the over-value stage of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) relationship, “Narcissistic traits can make it difficult to maintain healthy relationships due to the devaluing damage they cause. — Elinor Greenberg, PhD.” She is referring here to the overvalue and then undervalue stage followed by dumping and smearing.
So I was recovering from undervalue damage with the help of a cognitive family therapist. The damage came as a result of my being programmed to see myself as the narc saw me, extremely undervalued. I previously was undervalued by ‘support groups’ from the 12 step that I tried out, to transpersonal psychology yoga cults. They turned out to be just more devaluing for profit scams aimed at folks vulnerable and in transition.
I met Barbara at a bluegrass group, a type of American puritan word-salad religious music. When Barbara got into the devalue stage with me, she smeared me to all my acquaintances, no one was taking my calls. The grandiosity of her pain following my rejection of her was incredible. She was hurting bad and it was my entire fault.
The fact is, that I have the right to change my mind, was beyond her understanding of relationship. The more I asserted my rights the louder she complained and smeared. She needed to control. I left the bluegrass community and the yoga group to her, following the advice of narcissist specialists which was: walk away choose peace.
I then met a student of Albert Ellis on social media and began to research Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. It actually didn’t take long to feel a sense of peace instead of the strife of pursuing self worth. I no longer had to have a wife, a house, a car and a big bank account to be of worth. I began ignoring the notion of worth entirely and started focusing on satisfactions instead.
