I’m trying to sort out and get used to some insights from a narcissist coach on Twitter recently. Specifically, that the narc women, my Mom and subsequent female partners were/are vast voids that I was trained from birth to fill. Which is impossible to do. He’s such a good boy.
Initial Key Phrase: It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t make them this way and I can’t fix them.
What to do about them? Well, others likes and dislikes only describe them so ignoring them, it would seem, is the best professional advice. “Don’t see her anymore” “Find nicer friends”
My REBT self help guy Dr. Albert Ellis says the purpose of life is satisfaction. Religion, which seems very narcissistic, would decide that purpose for me because I can’t do it for myself for some reason. Original sin perhaps or reincarnation due to being a loser. According to REBT, if my satisfaction is sitting on the couch playing video games and masturbating in my off hours this can be seen as self-help. If it is done instead of keeping my other commitments then it is seen as self-defeating.
At the root of all self-defeating behaviours are just 3 simple, elegant and powerful concepts. These concepts affect all humans and are the root of all unhealthy negative emotions as well. Depression. anxiety, embarrassment, shame, guilt, and jealousy are consequences. You didn’t invite these consequences. They are changed to healthy negative emotions ( sadness, annoyance, concern, regret, disappointment) by challenging the concepts, asking for evidence for the beliefs.
There never is any.
Here is my example from this morning.
REBT Self-Help Form
What is the situation that you are upset about?
Answer: had a trump dream last night recent awareness of its not my fault the narcissists in my life, how I was groomed from birth to fill their bottomless pit of a void and never succeeding led to low self worth depression anxiety for life
What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?
Answer: depression anxiety shame embarrassment hurt guilt jealousy
What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?
Answer: withdrawal avoiding social contact procrastination over indulgence of feel good behaviors
What demand are you making about the situation?
Answer: I must do well and win the approval of others or else I am no good.
Dispute: is there any evidence that I’m no good?
Rational Belief: There is no evidence at all. others likes and dislikes only describe them, not me. people who had committed the unpardonable sin, had done the everlasting wrong is a grooming technique used by narcissists
What are your new healthy negative emotions?
Answer: disappointed regret sadness
What are your new self-helping behaviors?
Answer: talking to strangers asking for what I want tackling unpleasant tasks without needless delay exercising eating healthily enjoying my time alone no longer desperate for others to like me or else I’m no good.
Warning: This form should not be considered a substitute for individualized treatment with a mental health professional. If you are seeing a counselor or a therapist, it is recommended that you print this page and discuss your responses with him or her.
Designed by Will Ross � 2006
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