Happy Birthday @71
a thousand dollar proart asus screen
sony earbuds
a 600 dollar All Clad slow cooker
a beautiful red red red kitchenaid mixer
I took my stroke affected/broken-healing limbs and accessed my toyota for the first time in months
this self care filling the empty hole of loss of abandonment and the constant terrors of abuse
counteracting the effects of my darling lorraines who convinced me I wasn’t worth shit let alone any selfsatisfaction-selflove-selfcare-nicethings:
my Mother
my sister
my brothers
older people like gods to the youngest child, teachers teaching I’m not worth people’s time
father left, abandoned me through death, the cancer consequence of marrying a narcissist: death, the only way out from marrying his mom
they all abandoned me at birth and this has been the work to see them as broken and not worth agreeing with them about me a worthless orphan
on my birthday alone again fighting the notion that others should do the right thing or else they deserve to be punished all the darling lorraines in the life of a poet/artist/author/musician
(or in my life, Edi Whittaker)
The first time I saw her
I couldn’t be sure
But the sin of impatience
Said, "She’s just what you’re looking for"
So I walked right up to her
And with the part of me that talks
I introduced myself as Frank
From New York, New York
She’s so hot
She’s so cool
I’m not
I’m just a fool in love
With darling Edi
All my life, I’ve been a wanderer
Not really, I mostly lived near my parents' home
Anyway, Edi and I got married
And the usual marriage stuff
Then one day she says to me
From out of the blue
She says, "Frank, I’ve had enough
Romance is a heart breaker
I’m not meant to be a homemaker
And I’m tired of being darling Edi"
What, you don’t love me anymore?
What, you’re walking out the door?
What, you don’t like the way I chew?
Hey, let me tell you
You’re not the woman that I wed
You say you’re depressed, but you’re not
You just like to stay in bed
I don’t need you, darling Edi
Darling Edi
Edi
I long for your love
Financially speaking
I guess I’m a washout
Everybody’s buy and sell, and sell and buy
And that’s what the whole thing’s all about
If it had not been for Edi
I’d have left here long ago
I should have been a musician
I love the piano
She’s so light
She’s so free
I’m tight, well, that’s me
But I feel so good
With darling Edi
On Christmas morning Jerald awakes
To find Edi has made a stack of pancakes
They watch the television, husband and wife
All afternoon, "It’s A Wonderful Life"
What, you don’t love me anymore?
What, you’re walking out the door?
What, you don’t like the way I chew?
Hey, let me tell you
You’re not the woman that I wed
Gimme my robe, I’m going back to bed
I’m sick to death of you, Edi
Darling Edi
Edi
Her hands like wood
The doctor was smiling
But the news wasn’t good
Darlin' Edi
Please don’t leave me yet
I know you’re in pain
Pain you can’t forget
Your breathing is like an echo of our love
Maybe I’ll go down to the corner store
And buy us something sweet
Here’s an extra blanket honey
To wrap around your feet
All the trees were washed with April rain
And the moon in the meadow
Took darling Edi
Songwriter: Paul Simon
Darling Lorraine lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
