Accept Accept Accept
2 min readNov 3, 2024
- I put my feet cautiously in the frozen waters of life today. I’ve been living in care, for months strangers have been taking care of me. Feeding me, bathing me, making my bed, driving me to my appointments.
- It has always been so, that strangers did these things when required, an often hated chore in exchange for cash, ‘detached’ empathy.
- ‘Loved ones’ have demanded my care and theirs was never to be given, for that would be inconvenient for them. I must be liked and accepted and ‘do well’ or I am no good is the whip and the chain of self loathing.
- I’ve been a slave to their promised and withheld care. Addicted, supposedly unable to create the warm feelings for myself.
- The ‘care strangers’ told me recently that I’m ready to be on my own now.
- The healing has taken place.
- I feel relief yet the habitual fear of abandonment is present. Like being a child on the street again, a thing living in the garage in the back, never a human in the warm big house of a family’s love.
- I want to be held, hugged like a kitten.
- It has always been so. I have always felt this way.
- So I have traditionally distracted myself:
- Pot (We came to understand that only a power greater than ourselves…blah blah blah) No Care Here.
- Music, a self care
- Making Art, a self care, the understanding of life
- Sex, a pleasing pastime
- Books, the intimate reading of another’s mind
- The kind of activities that create the soft warm feelings of being hugged like a kitten.
- Self relieving the lonely pain of the cold and the harsh
- Most recently it was an angry stranger who threw me to the sidewalk where I landed with such force that my hip and elbow broke.
- Finally I am alone so that I can cry my frustrations in private, in the quiet of self care self love self friendship where there is no evidence that ‘I’m no good unless’ (place condition for slavery here).
- Self acceptance (no conditions)
- Other acceptance (no conditions)
- Universe acceptance (no conditions)
- Accept Accept Accept
- Now I am free and whole
- Healed from conditions
- I highly prefer x but I don’t have to have it
- What good can I make of this music these words this art this life?
