About Self -Help
Self-Help is based on the notion, I largely created my upsettedness so I can largely uncreate it. If it is to be it is up to me — Albert Ellis.
This is from my REBT book, (rational emotive behavioural therapy) using, with permission, the Self-Help Form designed by my teacher Will Ross from the site he created: rebtnetwork.org.
I met Will on social media while I was investigating cognitive therapy for lifelong depression and extreme anxiety. Will was dying of liver cancer and stubbornly refused to upset himself about it.
My using this tool he created coincided with many long and enjoyable conversations. I miss him a lot even if he couldn’t explain cricket to me. Fortunately, Will could explain REBT to me and I lost my lifelong depression and over-anxiety.
My father died when I was two, my mother abandoned me. I grew up being taught that these events caused my depression and anxiety. A commonly held seemingly perfectly reasonable belief. It turns out that those events contributed quite heavily to my emotions but it is what I choose to think about those events that form the major sting and kept it alive.
All people upset themselves with variations on three thoughts: I must do well, You must be nice to me, Life must be convenient or else I can’t stand it. I can’t stand it means I will die from this. My fathers death was inconvenient, my mother abandoning me wasn’t very nice and I grew up poor as a rock so by conventional standards I wasn’t doing so well. But, was I dead? No. So by telling myself I couldn’t stand it, life was awful and terrible, I was affirming that I couldn’t handle life. This affirmation created the unhealthy negative emotions and self defeating behaviors I experienced all my life. The healthy negative emotions we experience, such as concern and regret, are motivating and self helping. They motivate us to solve our problems and appropriately ask for help. The unhealthy ones such as depression and anxiety, are self defeating and lead to self defeating behavior such as procrastination and overindulgence in feel good behaviors.
Will taught me to dispute. Is there any evidence that these events are so bad they killed me? (no) I highly prefer to have had functional parents and financial opportunity but I don’t HAVE to, I’ll figure it out. I have been standing it, I am standing it so I will stand it. In fact not only can I stand it, but I have a lifetime of experience of standing it, I’m actually really good at it, I could survive on the moon. As a consequence of the dispute and rational response, my depression left along with the holy terrors. Eventually. I didn’t upset myself in one day so I didn’t unupset myself in one day.
The link to an expanded explanation of REBT https://www.rebtnetwork.org/whatis.html
An expanded version of the three concepts I mention and most importantly, the consequences of believing them https://www.rebtnetwork.org/library/musts.html
The self help form https://www.jeraldblackstock.ca/shf.html
