A Shrink For Men

Once again I go to A Shrink For Men and there she (Tara) is with the gift of explaining the damage to me and my life by bullies.

In this case it was mobbing and it used a term that I wasn’t familiar with, so down the rabbit hole I went. Holy fuck, since I’ve been exposed to this since birth, I mean this is what a dysfunctional family is, I’m sitting here having the cause of a lifelong battle with self blame explained to me: “DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.” The perpetrator or offender may Deny the behavior, Attack the individual doing the confronting, and Reverse the roles of Victim and Offender such that the perpetrator assumes the victim role and turns the true victim — or the whistle blower — into an alleged offender. This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of “falsely accused” and attacks the accuser’s credibility and blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation.” — Jennifer J. Freyd, PhD

This mobbing happened in my family along with the actual incest sexual abuse, basically my brother Jim and my sister Judy were covering their incestuous asses. My mother was probably involved having slept with my sister in our poverty-stricken micro house all her life. Mom was a victim of incest in her Newfoundlander blended family, it’s Newfoundlands national sport. She probably got it passed to her kids,

The benefit of isolating me was my parent and sibs were not fucking me. Later in life my sister a part time cult recruiter for a sex Tantra group tried a quick genital frottage on me at a family event and once when she was drunk she came to my home to try and fuck me, I was vulnerable, alone, recently divorced, so essentially I was prey. I refused her advances and she responded a few days later by accusing me of grooming her son on the internet and threatened to have me charged. She was working investigating child sexual abuse for the government so her power was indeed scary. I had also just threatened my brother with a restraining order for his constant email and social posting bullying crap.

Again they isolated me from family. I never spoke to any of them again. Choose peace.

Another time I’ve experienced mobbing was professionally as an artist/teacher when I blew the whistle on the booze and drugs of the faculty and consequent student abuse after I had started teaching at my alma mater AUArts. Gord Ferguson, the head of sculpture, allowed his poorly supervised student to dismember a live chicken at lunch in the school cafeteria and got fired for it. My expressed social media opinion that I’d never seen Gord sober and he was abandoning his responsibilities at school got me on national radio, the CBC’s The Current, along with artists from as far away as France agreeing with my opinion and sharing their similar experience.

Local exhibition opportunities dried up and social media was blocked…you know the routine. Just last week a bully in my building yelled at me that ‘everyone at the art school hates you’. This was sme 20 years after the event.

I saw that bully this weekend, I was waiting for my friend and model Reina at the coffee shop. “What are you doing here?”, the bully demanded. Unable to ignore her publicly as she was hovering over my table, I smiled and said I was meeting my girlfriend. She took a table near me and proceeded to wait as well. Reina is beautiful and black and younger than me, ticking all the racist ageist boxes, and when she arrived and sat with me the bully got a shocked look on her pinched face and left.

I love it when a plan comes together.

Reina having coffee
Reina modelling